Taking a Step Back

Ever get the feeling that something just isn't going to be good? It is a very unnerving feeling. I hate this feeling. I'm fearful of what my future will be if I take the step. I have the unwavering feeling that it is a step backwards, though, instead of forwards.

At the moment, I am unemployed. It isn't because I want to be unemployed, or that I don't want to work, but if I do find a job, I want it to be something that helps me move forward. My interests are in history, research, study, ancient societies, long ago ancient battles, and writing. The direction that I am being pushed in is not towards those, but most likely away. I fear that taking the wrong job can seriously hurt my chances of fulfilling any dreams I once had or do currently have. I know that I won't get instant fulfillment of my ideal career, but I can't even seem to get a step in the right direction. The only thing that seems to be helping me in any regard towards my goals is my degree and not even because it is in the exact area, but because it gave me the experience and the opportunity to find something that I actually enjoy and that I believe I can do.

The Joys of Sleeping In and Job Hunting

Now, those of us who are unemployed, or, at least, do not work full time, know that sleeping in is one of the best parts of the day. In fact, it may only be rivaled by falling asleep. Who doesn't like just laying down in a half-conscious, unstressed state where the only questions are why is it so cold and where is that light coming from? I was partaking of such a session this morning. There was some light sneaking in through the bottom of my door and the window shades that threatened my docile state, but I was wholly unworried about interruption.

Like this, but, you know, it would be me. On a futon. And without that weird bluish blanket.

Then came a siren like wail that pierced the silence. Though only half closed, my eyes quickly shot open scanning my unkempt room for the source of the disturbance. Working in concert with my booming ears, my eyes finally settled on the cell phone laying next to my pillow, where I had left it to charge the night before. On the screen was a number I did not know.